UK Craft Beer Marketing Ten Years Ago

In my garage, in a box, between the pages of a book, I've found a flyer my brother and I produced for Microbar*, our contribution to the new wave of beer appreciation and beer selling.

* Not to be confused with this Microbar in Manchester. They stole our name. If I cared, I'd do them. Just don't confuse us, our operation was far more stylish.

Beer-writing cliches

Ok, I'm not a great writer. I know that. Every time I click send or publish, minutes later, prompted by newly-spotted clunkers, forehead-slapping ensues.

I reassure myself with the reminder that I'm probably a better reader than writer.

Today I read a blogpost by an author who shall remain unidentified. He is a self-declared "creative writer". As a "creative writer" he should be ashamed of himself for using the exhausted boxing metaphor "weighing in at" when describing a beer's strength. It is time the phrase was retired. Or banned with a punishment of ten years consumption of Fosters for its use.

Which words and phrases would you ban from beer writing?

*Thanks to http://thesaurus.com/

Brewdog Newcastle

There's much I admire about Brewdog.

I particularly admire their realisation that selling beer to younger people and women is not the impossible fantasy that exists in the minds of those mired in the real-ale mentality. Divest your beer of twee traditionality and parochialism, give it contemporary branding, and bang on about being part of a backlash. Hey presto - otherwise hard-to-get-at demographics drink the beer you want to sell them. I know it because I've done it. 

I looked forward to the opening of a Brewdog bar in Newcastle, a city I'm fond of, having spent the late eighties and early nineties there. My brother and his family live there now and I'm a frequent visitor.

Steve and I paid our first visit to Brewdog's Newcastle bar last Tuesday. Having particularly fond memories of rather beautiful 77 Lager a couple of years ago that's what we went for. Both pints were served distinctly short. We politely requested top ups. With "don't waste my time you ignorant plebs" body language the barmaid took them back and went through the motions of topping up the pints. They came back to us still distinctly short. The beer line had gone up by a millimetre, or possibly not at all. We put this shoddy service down to teething troubles, the bar had only been open a week.

Two days later I babysat while Steve and his wife Jane went out. They went to the Brewdog bar. The same thing happened. Ste's pint was distinctly short. Jane had a problem-fee half in a lined glass. Ste requested a top-up. The barmaid turned the glass such that the Government Stamp was facing him. She pointed at the etch and said "it's a pint to the top of the etch; that's the way we're trained to serve pints." Steve persevered in his polite request for a top up but he says when it was delivered it was with "bad grace."

Here's a picture of the style of pint glass that we believe was being used. As you can just about see, the etch is some way down the glass and the absence of a line indicates that it is a pint-to-the-brim measure.

Steve, evidently annoyed, asked me to Tweet the annoyance.

Scandal: @BrewDogNewc barstaff trained to fill pints to the top of the etch. @s_pickthall is mighty furious.

Minutes later a reply came from @BrewDogNewc :

Well, @BrewDogNewcastle, I have news for you: when we pay for a pint, we pay for a pint of liquid. You are allowed a -5% error, which must be corrected if requested by the customer. And it must be corrected with "good grace." A deficit of greater than 5% should be corrected automatically and should definitely not be served as a matter of policy. Newcastle Trading Standards will be delighted to have a word with you about the rules if you are in doubt.

The following day Steve and I were in the Free Trade Inn "Newcastle's Poshest Pub™". The subject of the new Brewdog bar arose. There various people including the FT's barstaff also commented that they'd experienced short measures from BD. A bespectacled barman whose name I don't know said he had even been refused a top up.

There are two possibilities: 1) An enterprising bar manager has decided to impress his employers with high yields from his kegs, 2) Short measures are Brewdog's corporate policy. Either way,  short measures are shoddy and deceitful and illegal.

Brewdog: sort it out. Don't take the piss out of your customers.



BTW, Steve and are not CAMRA pedants and we do not support the organisation's Full Pint campaign, so don't go tarring us with that brush. We just know a short pint when we see one.

Session #62: What Drives Beer Bloggers?

I refer you to this post: "Evangelise!"

Your last chance to contribute to the greater beer wisdom

Way back in October (was it really that long ago?) I set the ball rolling on some original something-ological beer research 

I'd really like to embark on some analysis. I was looking for a minimum of 100 responses to my survey. Currently we're on ninety-something. So, if you haven't done it already, take my survey, and please pass it on to your beer-drinking friends. The more responses I get, the better the overall data will be.

Here is the direct link to the survey.

Just shoot from the hip. Select responses that feel the least wrong to you. Don't dwell too much on the subjects of some of the questions - I'll explain it after I've closed the survey.

The Most Drunk I've Ever Been - Without Alcohol.

On Wednesday morning I was at my desk doing some preparation for the Lancaster Beer Festival.

I've had an annoying head cold for a couple of weeks. You know the kind of feeling - like someone's stuffed a cushion into your head.

While entering data into a spreadsheet I was struck by a strange sensation. The cushion seemed to expand and shift suddenly to the right. This preceded what, had I been standing,  would be described as a collapse.

I picked myself up. On my feet I crashed into doors, bannisters and furniture while my vision swirled anti-clockwise around a central point.

The calm and rational voice in me told me a head-cold can affect the magical workings of the inner-ear, the mechanism that looks after balance, amongst other things.

My inner-caveman grunted "PANIC: something terrible is happening!" while the calm and rational self looked on disdainfully.

I called a local friend who whizzed round and drove me half a mile up the road the A&E at Furness General Hospital. I staggered to the reception desk and hugged it close to keep me upright. As they took my name a wheelchair appeared behind me. In the waiting room I struggled to stay upright in the chair; I needed to be horizontal.

I was wheeled into a cubicle and heaved onto a trolley* with the cot-like side rails up.

Nurses plugged me into a machine that goes ping and inserted a catheter cannula at my wrist. I was asked if I minded medical students being present. The doctor delegated my examination to the students who were very thorough while being friendly and chatty. I suppose when a chap like me collapses they've got to think about serious things like heart attacks, strokes and aneurisms.

Despite the room spinning rather alarmingly and an increasing nausea I remained entirely lucid.

During the examination I started to feel sick. I've never witnessed the phenomenon known as "projectile vomiting" and I doubted such a thing existed. My doubts were banished. Several times.

An anti-nausea medication was injected via the catheter. A CT scan and blood sample were sent off for analysis.

The test were fine. Other problems were ruled out and labrynthitis confirmed. A very unpleasant ailment but far from being life-threatening. About three hours after arriving I was discharged. I was given a packet of prochlorperazine should the symptoms recur.

I missed the judging at Lancaster BF.





*The thing Americans call a "gurney". A word I find faintly disturbing.

Wanna Judge Beer? - Update

Here's the list of beers to be judged on Thursday 1st March for the Lancashire Cup. There will be others (including keg lager!) but being from outside Lancashire they don't qualify for judging.

Could those people who indicated via the comments on the previous post that they might like to judge please contact me by email to confirm? Thanks.

Bank Top	Gold Digger	4%
Bank Top	Dark Mild	4
Barngates	Red Bull Terrier	4.8
Barngates	Pride of Westmoreland	4.1
Coniston	Blacksmith's Ale	5
Coniston	No9 Barley Wine	8.5
Coniston	Infinity IPA	6
Coniston	Special Oatmeal Stout	4.5
Coniston	Bluebird	3.6
Cross Bay	Zenith	5
Cross Bay	Winter Moon	3.6
Cross Bay	Dusk	4.5
Cross Bay	Witching Hour	4.4
Cross Bay	Sunset	4.2
Cross Bay	Nightfall	3.8
Cumbrian Legendary Ales	Langdale	4
Cumbrian Legendary Ales	Loweswater Gold	4.3
Fallons	Hex Original	5
Fallons	Angelic War	3.8
Fuzzy Duck	Cunning Stunt	4.3
Fuzzy Duck	Pheasant Plucker	4.2
Greenodd	Best Bitter	4.1
Greenodd	Citra	4
Hopstar	Smokey Joes Black Beer	4
Hopstar	Dizzy Dannyale	3.8
JW Lees	The Governor	3.8
Kirkby Lonsdale	The Dark Arts	4.7
Kirkby Lonsdale	Stanley's	3.8
Lancaster	Red	4.9
Lancaster	Black	4.6
Lancaster	Blonde	4.1
Lancaster	Amber	3.7
Mayflower	Lancashire Stout	4
Mayflower	Lemon Head	3.9
Moorhouses	Blonde Witch	4.5
Moorhouses	Premier Bitter	3.7
Prospect Brewery	Nutty Slack	3.9
Prospect Brewery	Blinding Light	4.2
Rossendale Brewery	Halo Pale	4.5
Rossendale Brewery	Glen Top	4
Rossendale Brewery	Floral Dance	3.8
Stringers	No2 Stout	4
Stringers	The North Will Rise Again	4.9
Three B's	Stokers Slate	3.6
Three B's	Bobbins Bitter	3.8
Thwaites Brewery	Lancaster Bomber	4.4
Thwaites Brewery	Wainwright	4.1
Thwaites Brewery	Triple C	4.2